i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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