ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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