May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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