then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she smelled like a LAN party
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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