i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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