She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
