If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
