fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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