is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
im holly from the hills drunk
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
