She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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