oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
