So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
