If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Randomize
