who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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