Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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