god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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