I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
