Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
