I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
