im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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