I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
