either way he was missing a nipple.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
