Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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