And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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