Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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