She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
