ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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