if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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