every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You were trust falling into bushes
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
