you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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