What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
