Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
