Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
