Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
