I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
