i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
