You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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