He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
