I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
