I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
