boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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