I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
