they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
