my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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