false alarm. still invincible.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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