Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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