It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
