my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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