I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
