If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
