Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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