Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
