I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
