Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my sisters under your porch take her home
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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